All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
