You just made me feel so damn special
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
