My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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