Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
