Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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