Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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