some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
