He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
