You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize