This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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