you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize