I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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