i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
