Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
