Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
