I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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