please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
