She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just gargled with NyQuil
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
