like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
