big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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