there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
