really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
