I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
