Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
