He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
