I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
