Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
