What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
