I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
