We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
