I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
