i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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