did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
