You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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