Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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