the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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