i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
