and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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