He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
