wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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