now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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