I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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