She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
