I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
