y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
