someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.