mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.