apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.