Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.