I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
