No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
