man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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