I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
