Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I looked at my own cervix.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
