my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
