i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
