There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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