I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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