I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
