You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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