we have officially lost it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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