please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
