I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he thought i was a dude.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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